


if this love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight

by pamello



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene, Some angst, i will go down with this friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24294778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pamello/pseuds/pamello
Summary: palermo and nairobi have a talk.ora missing scene that takes place approximately between their fight, and that one scene, in which nairobi brings martin a cup of coffee.
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote, Nairobi | Ágata Jiménez & Palermo | Martín Berrote
Comments: 17
Kudos: 165





	if this love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight

**Author's Note:**

> welcome back to another episode of long ass titles

It was already late evening, when it was Nairobi’s turn to get some much needed rest. But as much as she needed it, it wasn’t the easiest thing to do, minding the circumstances. So instead, she was sitting on the floor, legs crossed, leaning against a wall in one of the empty, spacious rooms, ignoring her sleeping bag, abandoned in a dishevelled heap in the corner. 

It was still relatively quiet, so she was trying to relax her tensed body and anxious mind a little, when she was startled by a figure that suddenly appeared in the doorway, blocking the only source of light that was illuminating the otherwise dark room. After their fight that happened only a few hours ago, she didn’t expect to see Palermo yet. However, there he was, leaning awkwardly against the doorframe, as though he was going to change his mind and back away any second.

Nairobi looked at him questioningly, trying to assess his intentions, but struggling to make out his features because of the dim light. Palermo hesitated for a few more seconds but finally cleared his throat and came closer.

“Here,” he rasped in a low voice, and then pulled a bottle of water along with something wrapped in plastic foil from behind him, and handed it to her. 

Nairobi eyed him suspiciously once again and moved a bit to make his some space. The man looked somewhat relieved, as he sat down next to her and leaned his back against the cold wall, stretching his legs out before him. She looked back at the mysterious item in her hand, and a short, unexpected laugh escaped her lips.

“Where did you get muffins from?” she asked with an amused tone, but received only a quick shrug in response. 

Palermo didn’t offer her a single glance after that, only sat there, staring ahead, turning a bottle of water in his hands. So she did the same. 

They sat together, shoulder to shoulder, for a few silent minutes.

“Sorry,” he mumbled eventually, pulling Nairobi from her thoughts.

“What was that?”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated slowly, with more confidence this time, still staring into the darkness of the room. “I was an asshole. Sometimes I don’t think before I say something.”

“Yeah, no shit,” she grunted and smirked, after noticing his clenched jaw.

Palermo didn’t say anything in response, though, still busy with fiddling with the plastic bottle in his lap, so Nairobi only shrugged and started to unwrap her muffin. She didn’t even realise how hungry she was.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes. The reason of the man’s presence still unknown to her, but Nairobi decided to go with it, finding the unexpected company rather plesant.

“How did you know?” his quiet voice startled her again, making her frown. 

“Know what?”

“You know what I mean.” This time his troubled gaze met hers. 

Nairobi sighed, seeing Palermo’s exhausted expression, and looked away. “I have eyes,” she answered honestly, with an absent shrug, “and you’re not as good at hiding your feelings as you think you are.”

At her words, he rested his head against the cold wall and took a sip of water, thin plastic rustling under his grip.

“I’m not sure if you noticed, but we lived under the same roof for several weeks,” she continued, noticing that the man closed his good eye, as if waiting for her to go on. “You and Berlin were friends, right? But you never talked about him. And the way you never shut up unless his name was mentioned? You would flinch, or leave the room, or throw another insult at one of us to change the subject as quickly as possible.”

Nairobi stopped for a second, to assess his reaction and noticed him tense a little, his fingers tightening at her words. But she decided to continue nevertheless. 

“At first, I thought that maybe you were still grieving but… There was a lot more to that,” she whispered and her mind wandered back to that one night, a couple of weeks ago.

Nairobi took a deep breath and carried on.

“I saw you once, in the chapel, in the middle of the night, when you probably thought that no one could see you...”

_The night was quiet and the air in the monastery was cool, when Nairobi left her room, which she shared with Helsinki, who was still snoring softly into his pillow. She was tired, but the sleep just wouldn’t come, leaving her frustrated and restless._

_With a tired sigh, she decided to get some fresh air, and so she made her way through the hall, guided only by the moonlight that was falling through the tall windows into the building._

_The soft light coming from the direction of the chapel caught her attention. Coming closer, Nairobi heard a quiet voice. Thinking that it was probably just the Professor and Palermo, staying up late in order to perfect some of the complicated details of the plan, she decided to glance inside and pay them a little visit._

_But the image that was waiting for her inside, couldn’t get out of her head for the next several days._

_The chapel was illuminated by a dozen candles scattered around, creating long shadows on the ancient walls. The model of the Bank of Spain was standing in the center, as always, accompanied by Berlin’s portrait. And in the middle of it all, Palermo sat behind the desk, alone, with his back to the entrance, scribbling something on a piece of paper. An almost empty bottle of alcohol at his side._

_“I’m sure I can make this work even better,” he murmured under his breath, but loud enough for Nairobi to hear._

_Then, with a tired sigh, he rested his chin on the back of his hand, staring at the papers in front of him._

_“Though, I have no idea how we’re going to go through with this plan. These people are a bunch of stupid idiots. Trying to get them to understand anything more complicated than boiling water without losing all fight is a fucking nightmare,” a sharp laugh escaped his lips. “But I bet you already know that, don’t you?”_

_Palermo leaned in his chair and put his pen aside, grabbing the bottle from the table instead. He took a long sip from it. His head up now, looking straight at the portrait of a man she once knew displayed in front of him, he continued._

_“One way or another, our baby will run like clockwork, darling,” his firm voice filled with bitterness echoed through the room, reaching Nairobi’s ears._

_She shivered and hold her breath. Something about talking to a dead man made her skin crawl._

_“I just never would have thought that I would have to do it all alone,” he uttered, suddenly much quieter and painfully vulnerable, his voice braking on the last word._

_The empty bottle fell from his hand hitting the concrete floor with a thud. He ran both of his hands through his face as in a despair attempt to contain the tears from flowing. And at that, Nairobi really considered backing away, feeling like he was violating someone’s privacy, an intimate moment. But she was glued to the floor._

_A gut-wrenching sob that burst from the man’s throat, followed by a forced, acidic laugh made Nairobi’s heart skip a bit._

_“God, I would give up everything to have you here with me. Sometimes,” he started again, his gaze back on the portrait, “sometimes I turn around expecting you to finish my sentence, but you’re not there.”_

_At that point, Palermo gave up on trying to hold his tears back, and took a shuddering breath._

_“Would you laugh at me, seeing me like this?” he barked into the void. “Most probably. A sad, pitiful man with a broken heart, clinging onto someone who doesn’t exist anymore.”_

_Palermo sniffed and put his elbows on the desk in front of him._

_“Surprisingly, I’m very much aware of how it looks like…” A pause. “And still, I hate you for that,” he added, and leaned his forehead on his clenched fists. The silence of the night was broken by his hushed sobs._

_Nairobi’s whole body itched to come closer and comfort the man, but she couldn’t take a single step forward. There was a tiny voice in her head telling her, that she wasn’t wanted there. She was well aware. Although she hated that fact so much._

_Without a second thought, she turned around and walked away, the sound of helpless crying fading behind her._

Nairobi turned her gaze back at Palermo’s blank face, kind of expecting him to scold her for not minding her own business, but he only bit his lower lip and looked away once more, ashamed.

“That’s not being observant. It’s called eavesdropping,” he rebuked, and a faint ghost of a smile appeared on his face.

“Oh, shut up,” Nairobi chuckled with clear amusement. “If you want to give the credit to someone, give it to Bogota. He was the one who helped me put two and two together.”

Palermo sent her a tired look. “So this was a group work. What are you, ten year olds? Should I be concerned?” he asked, and the question would sound almost accusatively, if it weren’t for its light tone.

Nairobi poked him gently with her elbow in response and then smiled down sadly.

“But after that moment, I knew for sure,” she continued after a moment. “And the speech you gave me earlier?” Palermo shifted in his place awkwardly. “Of course you were talking from experience. Because we’re not that different, you and I. Unrequited love is a bitch,” she trailed off.

Their eyes met for a moment before his gaze wandered back into the darkness. But Nairobi’s eyes stayed on him, observing the muscle in his jaw clenching and unclenching nervously.

“You’re right,” he spoke eventually, the desperation clear in his voice. “But the truth is that he knew.”

Nairobi frowned at him.

“Andrés. I kissed him,” he choked out with a gloomy smile painted on his face, almost melancholic. “I kissed him, and he kissed me back. And then he left me,” a wet laugh rose and caught in his throat.

Nairobi opened her mouth to say something, but Palermo beat her to it and carried on. “He told me he wouldn’t think about me. Crystal clear. Yet, I haven’t stopped thinking about him ever since.”

A sharp shiver of pity ran through her body, but pity was possibly the last thing the man needed in that moment. There was also another feeling present. Less excruciating. Understanding.

Nairobi knew Berlin. Or maybe she only imagined, that she knew him. The man was attractive, obviously, charming as well. He possessed that strange ability of knocking the air out of people. Either in disgust, bewilderment, or fascination.

However, she couldn't imagine anyone falling in love with him. Especially in such passionate, deep and vulnerable love, that she heard in Palermo’s words, and saw reflected in his tears. A love so old, with such a long hidden history, it was overwhelming. 

She certainly didn’t know enough to judge.

Palermo pressed the backs of his hands to his cheeks in a poor attempt at wiping away a few lonely tears, that were now running silently down his face. “God, sorry. It’s pathetic,” he uttered.

Nairobi shook her head firmly and touched his shoulder, trying to get him to look at her. 

“Love isn’t pathetic,” she started, her voice clear and tender. “It’s stupid and painful sometimes. But never pathetic. Trust me.” Nairobi sent him a warm smile. 

“You’re not very good at speeches,” he snorted, eyeing her.

“Hey,” she raised her voice. “I would beat you up if you weren’t injured. But you gave me this delicious dessert,” she pointed at the half-eaten muffin in her hand. “I think we’re even.”

Nairobi shifted in her place. “And I guess I should also apologise. For snapping back at you, and throwing all these words right in your face, especially in front of the others.”

Palermo frowned. “I probably deserved it.”

She nodded, jokingly, taking another piece of the muffin and putting it in her mouth. “Man, it’s really good,” she noted. “You baked it?”

“No,” he answered, a little bit too fast for her to believe him.

“Right.”

They sat like that for a while in a comfortable silence, until there was time for Nairobi to come back.

She glanced at her watch and then at the man. “Do you want a hug?” she asked quickly, trying to sound casual in order to not scare him away.

Palermo’s puzzled expression confirmed that she didn’t succeed.

“Nevermind,” she added, standing up. “I’ll be going then, maybe you will be able to get some rest,” she suggested and made her way to the door.

“Wait.”

Nairobi stopped in her track and turned around, glancing at the man questioningly. He looked around awkwardly, before his frustrated gaze, after a few seconds, finally landed on her. 

“I’ve changed my mind,” he began. “I’ll take that hug.”

Nairobi only smirked and opened her arms, waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> of course i gave him a hug ;;
> 
> kudos and comments make me happy~  
> also, i'm @casiopeiiax on twitter


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